How?
by mcdreamywantsme
Summary: How did he fall in love with her? he didnt know the answer until now.....MerDer


Remember when, we never needed each other  
The best of friends like  
Sister and Brother  
We understood, we'd never be,  
Alone

As Derek examined his life, he wondered how he got to where he is now. His marriage failed, the love of his life near died and now he is in a dead end relationship with a nurse. He constantly wondered how he fell in love with her and could never answer that question for it was an accumulation of things. He can't understand why he's not with her and then it hits him, it was his fault. He told her he'd wait and he didn't. He saw someone who was ready to give him what he wanted and he went for it. But deep down Meredith is the one he wants. Why cant he just be happy with the right person? Why didn't e just wait for her? Why did he break her again? These questions tormented him every living moment of the day.

Those days are gone, and I want you so much  
The night is long and I need your touch  
Don't know what to say  
I never meant to feel this way  
Don't want to be  
Alone tonight 

Derek thought back to all the times Meredith had smiled at him, kissed him and just looked in to his eyes. When she would look at him, his world stood still. But those days are long gone for she never smiles at him anymore. In fact she doesn't even look at him anymore. She goes about her life like a routine. Even if she's assigned to a case with him, she says the bare minimum and never looks him in the eye. This always hurts Derek because he wants to know that she's ok. Regardless that he is with Rose, she still means a lot to him. In fact, he came to the conclusion that he is only with Rose because she is willing to give him what he wants. Derek just feels alone and each night gets longer and longer because he doesn't have her beside him. If he could have one wish, it would be to start over with her and to never hurt her like he's done in the past. But he can't take it back.

What can I do, to make you mine  
Falling so hard so fast this time  
What did I say, what did you do?  
How did I fall in love with you?

He has been driving around Seattle, hoping to find somewhere other than the trailer to go. His mind has been wandering and he obviously is paying little attention to the road. Then without realising it, he is at her house. The next question is does he go in? He sits in his car debating what to do. He has fallen so much in love with her, more than what he felt for Addison. With Meredith it is natural. She's his oxygen and for the past few weeks he hasn't been able to breathe. As he gets out of the car, his heart races. Will she be here? God he hopes so because he has a confession to make. He knocks on the door and his palms begin to sweat when he sees her walking to the door. She just stands looking at him in amazement, as if her eyes are playing tricks on her.

"**What are you doing here?" she asked. She tried to stern but her voice sounded more like amazement**

I hear your voice  
And I start to tremble  
Brings back the child that, I resemble

"**I eh was wondering if I could come in for a minute?"**

She stood staring at him. She didn't know if she really wanted him in her house or not. She had very little self-control recently and in this close proximity to him would require a lot of willpower.

"**Eh ok, I suppose."**

She stood aside to let him walk in. He led the way into the kitchen where Izzie stood baking. When she saw him enter, she nearly let the bowl fall to the floor. She looked at Meredith and then left the room. Derek just wanted to take Meredith in his arms there and then but he knew that he didn't have the right to even think about her let alone touch her.

"**So, what can I do for you?" she asked while pouring a cup of coffee and placing in front of him.**

"**I wanted to talk to you about… Actually if I'm brutally honest, I don't know why I'm here. I was out driving, trying to clear my head and I ended up here."**

"**Oh ok"**

I cannot pretend, that we can still be friends  
Don't want to be,  
Alone tonight

"**I can't pretend anymore Meredith. I'm still in love with you. I've been asking myself why I fell in love with you and I couldn't come up with any one single answer, all I could think was that everything about makes me love you and my life is incomplete without you in it. I can't stand to be alone anymore."**

"**But you've got that new nurse girlfriend so you're not alone. If anyone is alone Derek, it's me!" she said with such malice in her voice that it took Derek by surprise.**

"**It doesn't matter whether I'm with her or not, she doesn't make me feel like you do. You complete me Meredith. I can be lonely even though I'm in a room full of people. Do you wanna know why? Because I don't have you."**

Meredith was in shock. She had thought that Derek was happy with his new squeeze. She thought that she wasn't what he needed after all.

What can I do, to make you mine  
Falling so hard so fast this time  
What did I say, what did you do?  
How did I fall in love with you?

Derek started to move over to her. He looked in to her eyes and all he saw was sadness, hurt and anger. Then she looked away and started to speak.

"**I was reading psyche books with Cristina. I was trying. I wanted to be with you so badly and you told me things. You told me you'd wait for me but Derek you lied again. You didn't wait. You left me alone again. You choose someone else over me again. But now here you are again in my kitchen professing your feelings for me and I don't believe you. You've left me too many times Derek and I don't think I can take anymore."**

Oh I want to say this right  
And it has to be tonight  
Just need you to know, oh yeah 

He knew that she was trying but he didn't realise just how much. God, he has been such a fool. Everything that she said was so true. He did keep leaving her. No wonder she has commitment issues, he has left her on more than one occasion and she grew up without a father. Oh how could he be so clueless?

I don't want to live this life  
I don't want to say goodbye  
With you I wanna spend  
The rest of my life

"**Meredith, you told me that you didn't wanna loose me and that you were scared, remember? Well now I'm scared because loosing you is like loosing the will to live. I want to be with you till my dying day and have you there with me holding my hand as my fulfilled life ebbs away. Meredith I can't go on without you. Please, give me another try? I'm begging you, please?"**

What can I do, to make you mine  
Falling so hard so fast this time  
What did I say, what did you do?  
How did I fall in love with you?

Derek stood anxiously in front of her. The silence was unbearable and his self-control was dwindling, as all he wanted to do was kiss her. He was praying that she would take him back. He had been an ass and had only tunnel vision when it concerned Meredith but now he sees the light and his view has broadened but only if she was with him.

"**Derek, I…. I don't think I could take you hurting me again."**

Derek looked defeated because he knew how this evening would end and he didn't like it. He always was a sucker for a happy ending. He turned to walk away when she started to speak again.

"**In fact I know I can't but Derek I'm so in love with you that I'm willing to take the risk."**

What can I do, to make you mine  
Falling so hard so fast this time  
Everything's changed, we never knew

How did I fall, in love, with you?

Derek swung around and looked like he had imagined what he heard. She stood there with tears streaming down her face. He closed the gap between them and took her chin in his hand. He looked deeply in to her eyes and grazed his lips off hers. She raised her hands up round his neck and then into his hair. He deepened the kiss and he was sure that sparks where flying. When they came back up for air, he rested in his forehead on hers and smiled saying:

"**I now know how I fell in love with you."**


End file.
